Individuals Paying It Forward

I was up in Baltimore visiting a friend at the Inner Harbor one Sunday. It is not my nature to give money to people who beg for it. I was walking along the harbor side and, as I am usually very observant, was startled by a man sitting on a concrete wall. He asked for some money, for some help. It doesn't sound like much, but I gave him $50.00. He asked me why I gave him so much, and I jokingly said I could take it back; but I asked him to do something for three people, something he couldn't normally think of doing. We had an eye contact; it was really weird, but I just said, "Make it count." I have to honestly tell you, the feeling it gave me was euphoric.

The second opportunity was an act of forgiveness; during my second divorce, my soon-to-be ex wife and her family trashed me in court with things that weren't true. It was a lawyer thing; but I couldn't believe some of the things that said about me that weren't so. I figured I could hate them and felt I had the right. I chose to forgive them; mainly, I told my ex that I didn't understand why she had said these things; but I forgave them. Hate is a true waste of energy.

The third involved my father. I grew up in an abusive home. I started earning "my keep" at 9 years old. No BS. I paid for my school tuitions, uniforms, and gave myself an allowance at that age. I sold newspapers at Georgetown Hospital every afternoon after school. When I turned 13, I got a morning paper route and paid my way through high school and college. My Mom charged me $100.00 a month rent in the summer months. My dad did nothing but what she said. When I married after college, my Mom called my first wife a whore and we didn't speak for the last 23 years of her life. My dad followed every word she said. He was afraid of her. She died in 1997, and he was diagnosed with cancer soon after. We started a relationship; he hung on with all he had to live; In December 2000, I was in the hospital with him alone. He was in and out of consciousness; but during one of his lucid moments, I forgave him everything. He couldn't help his weakness; he was raised by his sister and his Mom. My Mom was a dominant figure who ruled the roost. I believe his "pay it forward" for me was this. Two days before he died, he was in his hospital bed and he looked horrible. He weighed about 98 lb. on his 6' frame. He tried to leave the hospital that morning and fell and ripped his forearm open. He was totally incoherent. My brother-in-law was with my then 6 year old daughter. I didn't want her to see him like that as I thought it would frighten her. As she stood about 10 feet away at his bedroom door, he came to his senses and motioned her to come to his side. He joked and kidded with her for about 3 minutes; it is my last conscious moment of my dad. He died two days later. This is probably one of the most incredible moments in my life.

Then, just this week, the woman who trashed me in court, has given me custody of my now 8 year old daughter. "Pay it Forward" seems to sneak back in my life in many good ways. It has made a difference in my life.

--John