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Libertyville-Review.Com
Member of the Sun-Times News Group
December 18, 2008
Sue Opeka's kindness program for girls started after an 11-year-old girl came into her downtown Libertyville shop and told a heart-wrenching story about being a school outcast. "There was this girl who was the queen bee, and she had all the power," Opeka said. "One day she decided this girl was out, and the girl was then ostracized by everyone in her class. They wouldn't look at her. They wouldn't eat lunch with her. They didn't invite her to parties. And this girl was darling." Other girls said later they kept quiet because they didn't want to be next. The story left Opeka stunned. The mother of two, including a daughter in high school, decided she had to do more to encourage kindness among girls. "The whole mean girl thing drives me crazy," Opeka said. "It's not enough to talk about it. I wanted to do something about it."
Inspiring gifts
Opeka's passion is helping girls and women feel empowered. Her shop, The Present Moment, carries gifts, jewelry, books and more, all meant to inspire and uplift -- including a selection of books to boost the self-esteem of younger girls. In fact, the girl who told the devastating story had read those books, and she thanked Opeka because they really helped. But Opeka knew more was needed. She started the Pay It Forward Program for Girls last year. She speaks to classes, Brownies and Girl Scouts, all for no charge. Her concept is simple. She hands out a kindness kit containing three heart charms. "I tell them, 'Pick three girls,'" Opeka said. "It could be a new kid or someone they're not getting along with. I tell them to do an act of kindness and then give them the heart and ask them to pay it forward."
Opeka loved the best-selling book and movie "Pay It Forward," and the concept inspired her program. Opeka was hoping she'd be able to reach at least 10 girls, but now she has given out more than 1,600 kindness kits. She spoke to 350 fifth-grade girls at Woodland Intermediate in Gurnee in October. "It's a simple idea, but it fits right in with what we're trying to do here at Woodland," said Dr. Tim Tyrell, assistant principal. "We're really trying to recognize kids and get them to see how they can positively influence the school and the community." Opeka wants girls and women to feel like they can rule the world. But when girls are picking on other girls, that won't be possible.
'Getting meaner'
"Girls are getting meaner, and they don't get it," Opeka said. "Moms come up to me with tears in their eyes, thanking me, saying their daughter just needed something. It just chips away at their self-esteem. The problem is so pervasive." Lisa Richardson and Melissa Jones invited Opeka to speak with their third-grade Brownie Troop from Rockland School. "It was great," Richardson said. "The girls were totally engaged. One of the things my daughter said was, 'It makes people feel like they're not alone.'" The tiny hearts in the kit also are great for the younger girls, she said, because they turn an abstract idea -- kindness -- into something concrete. Still, it's no easy task. "It's a very hard thing for them to do," Richardson said. "They have to really confront someone and say something purposeful and do something deliberate. It gets them to stop and think before they act -- good or bad. The kids have talked about it. When they give away a heart, they're excited." The girls receive a special necklace after they hand out the heart charms and return a card in which they write about the experience.
One girl wrote, "I felt really good when I gave someone a charm because I knew I was being nice." Another wrote, "The first time I passed out a charm was to my best friend forever, and she almost cried."
"I always say that a little kindness goes a long way," Opeka said.
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